Micro Humiliations

Sharing my truths...after a prolonged absence

I keep wondering why this personal journey with pelvic organ prolapse is so hard to write about and propels me into long periods of procrastination. I am a disciplined person, or so I think. I meet deadlines; I know that to be true. But what is happening now, with these prolonged absences is that this writing has been harder than I ever imagined, precisely because it is this personal story that I am writing about. This journey with pelvic organ prolapse has been a long series of micro humiliations.

After all, who wants to talk about leakage? I don’t, well yes I do. Who wants to talk about feeling bulges at the opening of the vagina. I don’t, but yes I do. I think about all the ads I see on TV or in women’s magazines about “protective wear and protective pads.” These companies wouldn’t be spending mucho dollars on all this advertising if women didn’t need these products and buy these items. Just look at the nearly twenty-foot-long aisle in the grocery store or pharmacy. Those shelves are filled with feminine hygiene products and I’m not just talking about tampons and menstrual pads. There are so many products for incontinence and leakage. “Pee leaks” effects twenty-nine million women. One in two women over the age of fifty deals with pee leaks. Do women talk about this? No, they do not. Is it humiliating? Yes, it is. And I know this to be true.

In a recent issue of Vogue there was a two-page ad for Elitone, a recently FDA-approved device that aids in doing kegels. And for what—to help with the control of bladder leaks, of course. There is an attractive young woman in the ad sporting workout shorts that have electrodes attached. This wearable device provides gentle stimulation to the pelvic floor muscles. I noted it was not an older woman, and the reason for that is that pelvic organ prolapse affects young female athletes, young mothers, middle-aged women, and older adults—many of us—at all ages of our lives. If anyone has used ones of these devices please reach out. I’d like to know more.

Speaking with an expert, I was told two-thirds of women never bring up the subject of “pee leaks” with their primary care physicians or gynecologist. There is real help and support out there. Do you know how I know this? I have first-hand knowledge. I have talked to my gynecologist about this. I have seen a Uri gynecologist. I did PT for pee leaks. I wore a pessary. I had surgery for pelvic organ prolapse. And I plan to talk about it all. Humiliating or not.

All these issues mentioned above add up to micro humiliations for me, and I suspect for many women. They feel like embarrassments, mortifications, and even shameful experiences. And I wonder why. Is it me? Is it a generational issue? A woman’s issue? Maybe all the above. So, I find myself writing about this to push pass the shame and humiliation of it all—trying to bring truth, light, and even a little lightness to a subject area that stays in the shadows.

My hope is to normalize this conversation for us all. I welcome your comments and stories. You can send me a private message or leave a comment letting me know you have experience to share, and we can take it offline. Thank you for being a reader, spreading the word, and sharing my Substack with friends or family that might need to read about this subject matter. For those who have reached out to me, you give me the courage and motivation to keep writing. I am so appreciative of your support and encouragement.